So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
