I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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