we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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