you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
