I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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