The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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