Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize