Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
