May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
