well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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