I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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