He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
