While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
