On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
