I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
