I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
