How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
