when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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