I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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