remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
