from now on my penis is your penis
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
