just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
