look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
