1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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