at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
