Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
