i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I need to stop coming to work sober
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
