So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize