i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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