I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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