I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
