on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
