I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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