my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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