I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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