I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
