if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
