pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
