remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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