i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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