The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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