I wish you could order shots online.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How external is "for external use only"?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
