Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
