my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think people are normalizing furries
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
