I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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