Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
