My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
