Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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