2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pants are for mortals
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
