My first STD was from a foam party
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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