They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
