I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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