So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
