She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
