In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
