bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
