Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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