Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
