i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
