Buhtt sex?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
