Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
