Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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