I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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