we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
