I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
