At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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