"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
